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Hi All

It was time today to get some gold. When you are down to savaloy soup, well then you know things are getting tough. It was a treat when I had the savaloy meat. And next night the savaloy skins went down a treat. But I did find the savaloy soup wasn't that
nourshing and hardly filled me. So off to my secret location. Well the ole Series Two performed well. We forded a raging flooded river, then dodged a massive landslide, the hot springs I passed on the way, had a major eruption just as I went by. But the aluminium body just shruged the boiling water and mud off. And then I got to the creek. Went to get the detector out, when I saw a golden gleam in the water.
Exposed bottom, with a crevice six inches wide. And there lodged in it was the biggest nugget I have ever seen. It must have been at least
12 ounces. And then I looked up. And there on the bank was the biggest Stag I have ever seen. But this stag had full body armour and on his back were two torpedo tubes, fully loaded. And they weren't golden Warheads. These were the real deal. Wire guided Landrover Killers.

I rammed the stick into !st and did the biggest loss of traction known to any Landover. Rocks flew everywhere and finally I got smoke. Enough to conceal my retreat. Sadly my volley bounced off his body armour. One torpedo sailed overhead as I flew down the valley. Prick couldn't get
" A Lock On" . Thank god again for aluminium.

Back on the tarmac I wound the Series Two up. She was flying. Another torpedo sailed overhead. Frig this Stag was angry. Perhaps he had seen to many Landies. He was in for the Kill.

I hit the methanol/alcohol/nitroglycerine button, the burner ignited and soon I was up around 350K. Wheres the boys in Blue when you need them. Not one in sight.

Next minute a Holden Kingswood pulled up alongside me. It had a sunroof, and there was the biggest set of antlers sticking out
I have ever seen. But the funny part was sitting in the passengers seat, was a Kiwi, and he had this massive pistol in his foot and his beak was on the trigger. And it was pointed at me. And then he said, " Make My Day".

Frig, what was I to do. I reached over to the passengers seat, and grabbed a Snickers Bar, and threw it over to him. Well buggar me days, he took his beak off the trigger and grabbed that Snickers Bar, right out of the air. Thanks Bud, he said. And next time its Ice Creams, okay.
But Boysebury Ripple next time ok. And then in a cloud of burning tyres they were gone.

Cheers Trev aka " The Hatter"

But wait there is more.

I rushed home and slammed the Landie into the garage, almost took the back wall out. But not a dent in the ole Landie Bumper.
Into the Flat and went phew. That was a lucky escape. Thank god it wasn't easter and the roar, it wouldn't have been torpedo's coming my way.
Thank god I'm straight.

And just as I was settling into a nice cold JD, there was a knock at the door. Well it was more of a thud, than a knock. Thud, thud, thud, it went.

Frig I thought. What now. A huge boar with rocket launchers and a monkey eating a Steak and Cheese pie. I'm giving up gold, its just not worth it. I grabbed my ole Lee Enfield and slammed a round into the breech. Right you thud thud on my door, I got my protector. I slowly opened the
door, the trusty 303 hopefully pointing the right way. Well if the bullet didn't get them, at least the cobwebs would blind em, I thought.

Well buggar me days. If it wasn't my ole friends. And sitting in my driveway. was a yep bloody Toyota. I let fly with the 303, get that thing outa
my driveway. Got her right through the eye, well windscreen. Frig looks like I got it with a torpedo. Oh damm did I leave the cleaning rod in.
Well they deserved that. Two more shots and she was dead. Try and kill my Landie you buggars I shouted, now you are on my turf its payback. Its bloody war

Well damm me , I took a second glance as the cordite smoke cleared. Frig I thought, my ammo is getting a bit old, much like me.

There firmly held in that skungy looking Kiwi's beak was the nugget. He ponced into my Flat and dropped it at my feet. Then gave me a wink.
Mind if my mate comes in, he chirps. And next thing in walks Armagedon. And I was damm glad it wasn't the roar.

Frig I said, watch my roof ya buggar. Or I will lose my bond. Next thing Armagedon is perched on my Lazy Boy and his mate, with the beak
on my couch. He seems to be the talker. No wonder we used to call the headmasters, oh thats right, it was the Magistrates and Judges" The Old Beak" well in my days. Well this Beak had little to say. And thank god for that. They talk for hours, and then lighten your wallet. Or even worse send you to a place where the roar is, but there are no Stags, but you have to keep watching your back all the time.

Kiwi kinda looks at me, and his eyes are most kindly. Yep you can keep it he chirps. You survived " The Landie Killers". I try to keep Staggers
under control. But last roar, he had a bad day. He is full of stagy testesterone and has his bad days.

But we kinda liked you. So that is why we missed.

Now as you know most " Kiwi's eat, roots,shoots and leaves. But I'm a tad different.

Have you " Got A Tui"

Yeh Right, I replied.

And one for me mate.

Wanna buy a Toyota.

And then I woke up.

"Yeh Right"

Cheers Trev aka " The Hatter"