New Zealand Gold Prospecting & Metal Detecting Forums Archive

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asterix		Posted : Saturday, 2 February 2013 3:55:58 AM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Flake Groups: Registered Joined: 14/04/2012(UTC) Posts: 29 Location: Bournemouth UK Was thanked: 6 time(s) in 6 post(s)		I ordered a sex-toy off the internet, a custom made scale replica of my wife's vagina. The postman delivered it today, as I sat anxiously at my window. He seemed to take forever walking down my path with a big tatty box in his hands, all dented, the flaps torn, blowing around in the breeze. I thought the supplier would've at least wrapped it!

asterix		Posted : Friday, 8 March 2013 11:51:06 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Flake Groups: Registered Joined: 14/04/2012(UTC) Posts: 29 Location: Bournemouth UK Was thanked: 6 time(s) in 6 post(s)		Well that went down like a lead balloon!! Lets try again.... On hearing her elderly grandad had died, Katie went to her 98yr old grans house. When she asked how he died, gran replied 'he had a heart attack during sunday morning sex'. Katie was aghast at her two grandparents risking their lives making love. Her gran said 'we do it to the church bells, nice and slow, in on the ding,out on the dong.She paused to wipe away a tear. 'he'd still be alive if the ice cream van hadn't come along'

oroplata		Posted : Saturday, 9 March 2013 12:22:09 AM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered, Moderators Joined: 16/06/2011(UTC) Posts: 1,040 Location: Christchurch Thanks: 23 times Was thanked: 211 time(s) in 152 post(s)		Fwaaaarp!
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KGBee		Posted : Saturday, 9 March 2013 12:03:32 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Nugget Groups: Registered Joined: 30/09/2011(UTC) Posts: 30 Location: Nelson Thanks: 4 times Was thanked: 4 time(s) in 4 post(s)		Thanks asterix, I'll be sending them on to my brother in Oz too. (well I thought they were funny anyway!)

madsonicboating		Posted : Saturday, 9 March 2013 12:09:04 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered Joined: 21/03/2011(UTC) Posts: 674 Thanks: 187 times Was thanked: 157 time(s) in 127 post(s)		hahaaa love em!
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creamer		Posted : Friday, 22 March 2013 5:05:27 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Medals: Groups: Registered Joined: 19/06/2011(UTC) Posts: 2,022 Location: Bay of Islands Thanks: 2289 times Was thanked: 525 time(s) in 391 post(s)		Originally Posted by: madsonicboating hahaaa love em! ...shocker. .
		Garrett Ace 350 Xpointer www.nzfossickers.co.nz
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gingerbreadman		Posted : Wednesday, 29 May 2013 8:23:13 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered Joined: 19/07/2010(UTC) Posts: 473 Location: south of the black stump Thanks: 34 times Was thanked: 96 time(s) in 74 post(s)		A priest is driving down the road when he comes across a baboon lying dead in the road. He went into the police station to inform them of his find. A cocky black desk sergeant laughed and said, "Did you give it the last rites?" "No" said the priest, "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first."

gingerbreadman		Posted : Wednesday, 29 May 2013 8:30:01 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered Joined: 19/07/2010(UTC) Posts: 473 Location: south of the black stump Thanks: 34 times Was thanked: 96 time(s) in 74 post(s)		A 90yr old man said to his doctor "i've never felt better... I have an 18yr old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that? The doctor replied, " I have a elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang,bang,bang and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90yr old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver." The doctor said, My point exactly".

gingerbreadman		Posted : Sunday, 2 June 2013 6:42:58 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered Joined: 19/07/2010(UTC) Posts: 473 Location: south of the black stump Thanks: 34 times Was thanked: 96 time(s) in 74 post(s)		plane crashes over a remote island, everyone killed except for 2 girls. 1 black, 1 white. White girl starts picking up debris to make an S.O.S. sign for help ! blackChick, see's what's happening, strips and lays down with legs wide open. Whitiegirl asks "what you doing?". blackChick says fuck the S.O.S. first thing they look for is the black "box!"

andy		Posted : Sunday, 2 June 2013 8:12:35 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered Joined: 13/12/2012(UTC) Posts: 471 Location: ngongotaha rotorua Thanks: 70 times Was thanked: 88 time(s) in 72 post(s)		hahaha!to funny.
		ATpro ACE250 GC1010 teknetics Eurotek Pro

gingerbreadman		Posted : Monday, 17 June 2013 10:45:32 PM(UTC)
Rank: Gold Ingot Groups: Registered Joined: 19/07/2010(UTC) Posts: 473 Location: south of the black stump Thanks: 34 times Was thanked: 96 time(s) in 74 post(s)		Condoms do not guarantee safe sex., A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.